Abby Heugel

Abby Heugel

@AbbyHasIssues

Followers17.5K
Following1.1K

Hell hath no fury like me when I'm hungry and slightly inconvenienced. http://www.abbyhasissues.com

Michigan
Joined on July 13, 2011

Statistics

We looked inside some of the tweets by @AbbyHasIssues and here's what we found interesting.

Inside 100 Tweets

Time between tweets:
3 months
Average replies
36
Average retweets
977
Average likes
4506
Tweets with photos
0 / 100
Tweets with videos
0 / 100
Tweets with links
0 / 100

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I've deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

89
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I threw old quinoa under my feeder and now the squirrels are walking around in Lululemon pants and requesting coconut water.

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One of the best things about getting older is your vision goes to shit so you can't see how bad you really look.

48
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Things I thought I would have as an adult: a thriving career, a great social life, a retirement account. Things I actually have as an adult: a plastic bag filled with plastic bags, a favorite stovetop burner, crippling anxiety.

26
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The only way an adult coloring book could help with my stress is if it was somehow edible.

12
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April showers bring May flowers. May flowers bring pollen. Pollen attracts bees. Some people can die from bee stings. April showers are harbingers of death.

6
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The most unrealistic thing about HGTV shows is that nobody ever uses a butter knife as a screwdriver.

5
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If you type with two spaces after a period, I assume you also have a rotary phone and one of those bicycles with a giant front wheel.

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"Stupid kid fell in the well again." -if Lassie had been a cat

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Don't think of it as losing an hour of sleep. Think of it as being one hour closer to breakfast.

9
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1K

1. Read directions on box. 2. Throw box away. 3. Pull box out of the trash 15 seconds later. 4. Repeat.

12
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Doctor (listening to my heart): You really should stop smoking Me: I will one day Doctor: No...like now. You can’t smoke in here

5
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Him: The smell of marinara reminds me of my grandma Me: That’s cause your nose is connected to the limbic system of your brain where emotions are processed! Your olfactory nerve gettin all up in your amygdala and jumpin on good memories Waiter: Ma’am please return to your table

23
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Jesus (welcoming friends): Come on in, the water's wine.

28
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Directions: Allow oven to fully preheat 10 minutes. Me: No.

9
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As you get older, you begin to miss the little things. Like the next stair.

17
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DOCTOR: Are you sexually active? ME: No, but I could be. *wink wink* DOCTOR: *sigh* Do we really have to go over this again?

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I don't know what I'll do if it's ever actually a spider and not a hair.

10
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As a kid I was always excited to go somewhere. As an adult I’m always excited to leave.

9
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Welcome to adulthood. The weather makes you angry now.

14
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Me: it’s not illegal Cop, staring at my trunk filled with creamy peanut butter: It’s just... SO. MUCH. Me: but it’s not illegal Cop: no, no it’s not

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