Stonekettle

Stonekettle

@Stonekettle

Followers119.7K
Following1.3K

Coffee FIRST. Plug in the cat. Read the daily hatemail. Despair for the future of humanity. Buy Whiskey

Dinosaur Swamp. Venus
Joined on May 19, 2009

Statistics

We looked inside some of the tweets by @Stonekettle and here's what we found interesting.

Inside 100 Tweets

Time between tweets:
19 days
Average replies
21
Average retweets
49
Average likes
421
Tweets with photos
0 / 100
Tweets with videos
0 / 100
Tweets with links
0 / 100

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Emergency Not All ____________________ ...not all... _____________________ Break glass and insert "not all" into any tweet where I've used a general label to generally describe a general group, sex, ideology, religion, or population.

132
411
4K

6 tweets in 4 years and one of them is this passive-aggressive gem. I suppose I should be flattered. https://twitter.com/Vector_Edge/status/1097674586911657984 …

Quoted @padawanninja

Bbut, how's a wall going to stop a plane? Oh. I see what you did there.

Dammit, they're on to me.

Quoted @PineBarPrince

Will you be appeased if we send you poutine and Crown Royal?

I can certainly be bribed.

Quoted @GermainRioux

What did Canada do to deserve the obviously greatly flawed people who would annoy you ?!?

Flannel clad sons of bitches should have built a wall.

20
9
115

Quoted @wkufans2

In the event you stripped me and dropped me into Canada, that would constitute cruel and unusual punishment..........for Canadians!

Punishment is not supposed to be enjoyable, Gree.

Quoted @ThomasDesrosi18

Can I be the "Supreme Executioner"? I have a particular set of skills and a mindset that scares the shit out of animal/child/women abusers, pedophiles and bullies in general. Keep in mind that not all Republicans would qualify for "conversion therapy".

I don't support the death penalty. If you insist on making me president, I'll outlaw capital punishment. People who annoy me will be stripped naked, painted red, white, and blue, and air dropped into Canada. If they survive the resulting massive politeness, I'll pardon them.

41
15
246

Quoted @chipwattsinterp

Lol pornstache Is that because you have a private cache or because you have a tickler and exfoliator?

It's because I'm the president of the Bring Back The Awesome 70's Pornstache Club.

Quoted @josephruscitti

I posted a screenshot of your Texas/Florida tweet onto my Facebook page. A conservative friend of mine commented: “Finally the stone kettlecowgirl tweets something funny” You’re gaining new fans!

I win again!

Quoted @thehill

Graham: Better for kids in Kentucky to have secure border than new school 
http://hill.cm/XRTIBYt 

Graham: Better for kids in Kentucky to have secure border than new school 
http://hill.cm/XRTIBYt 

In fairness, Republicans want a Medieval border solution because that's the most advanced technology uneducated serfs will be able to operate.

20
130
527

Quoted @lexikav

Your Witch friends have you covered PornStache. It’s cool

Man, does this day just keep getting better or what?

Quoted @donmckennan

Holy crap. In about 4 months I will be exactly that Floridian.

Beloved and respected local town father eaten by alligator after accident involving drunken sex with a vacuum cleaner in a canoe during church services? That Floridian?

8
12
104

Quoted @TheDiane0905

I’ve seen people complain about Seth’s. I don’t get why people just don’t read the damn things if they don’t like it. Block. Make a voodoo doll. Whatever.

Wait. Back up. Voodoo doll? That's an option? WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY TELL ME THIS? BRB, have to check Amazon.

Differences: Me: Texans: FIGHT ME, BRO! Me: Floridians: LOL! That's not even the worst part, man. Check this out...

103
395
3K

Quoted @stalag13G

Wait, what? I was just looking up bulldozer rentals. Now you're not running?

I don't run. I limp.

Quoted @BlaBlubb6

He’s referring to Seth Abramson probably

Guys, I *know* @scalzi wasn't talking about me. But given my penchant for long Twitter threads that eventually turn into actual articles, he could have been (though I don't think I've ever split a sentence). If he was, I wouldn't have been offended. Thus, the HUMOR.

Quoted @hawklyf49

Sprinkles are for winners.

Or paying customers. Whatever.

Quoted @scalzi

I just saw a Twitter thread from a single author with 100 posts on it. You know what, if you're doing that, at some point along the way you should just realize you're writing a goddamned blog post, then do that and point people to it.

Shit. He's on to me.

Quoted @MultipleMommies

You had me at chocolate.

I'm not sharing, Allison.

Quoted @imtheMDP

How could a man like profanity and hate golf? You sir are a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.

... smothered in chocolate sauce and covered in those colorful little candy sprinkles. Wait. What are we doing again?

26
11
148

Quoted @Lionelvinyl

I hate Trump, but I enjoy golf. You won’t get my vote.

Finally, somebody with some goddamned sense.

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